Family Portrait

Posted on 09 October 2017 at 22:00

"I have had a brilliant idea!" I exclaimed with mounting excitement to my husband and stepson, shooting each other a peculiar look, a mixture of trepidation and with the knowledge that somehow they were going to be implicated in whatever my idea was. I like to think they were basking in the sheer anticipation of the glow of genius.

 “I want to do a family portrait to hang in the hallway - and the theme will be ducks.”

When I had managed to herd them back into the kitchen with the promise of coffee and a cheeky eclair, I began to explain my audacious and most brilliant plan. “You know flying ducks, the sort that go up your wall”…again their eyes betrayed their mounting enthusiasm. I explained the plan in full…when they realised it involved them having casts made of their noses they seemed less keen. I employed the help of a helpful family member “Will the stonemason’ who had apparently cast many a body part, both sober and sometimes not…

The idea was this, I would get a cast of our noses, and then make some suitable wings for the noses, each one themed to perfectly personify us in winged form, and have them flying up the wall…our hallway wall to be precise.

The casting day arrived and took several hours and involved alot of moulding alginate, many kilos of moulding powder, 2 packets of cotton wool balls and an unhealthy amount of vaseline. Photographs were taken of the event and will be revealed when everyone has forgotten they exist.

Have Nostril Will travel - The nose drilling.

Let the excavations of the nostrils begin. Cue a gigantic cloud of plaster dust and a curious Hector peering around the door to see what the enthusiastic buzzing was. Satisfied that all was decent for a Sunday afternoon activity he disappeared again, sneezing great plumes of dust everywhere. I particularly liked this idea, that nostril dust from his duplicated nose made his established and firmly attached nose sneeze. 

So as it goes so far I have discovered that the noses all bear a striking resemblance to Edward and Tubbs from the League of Gentlemen. I suppose I have to conclude that the nose cast never lies. This discovery is distressing, yet also a little pleasing…make of that what you will.

At this point I decided more coffee was needed. 

An update will appear when the noses have been fettled further.